Looking Inward!!

This House Just ain't a Home

Yesterday as my husband and I were driving home for Twin Falls after dropping off 2 of our grandsons a song came on the radio. My husband & I had been sitting in comfortable silence and I was watching carefully as he turned the volume up and about the same time I commented "this song gets me every time". We both have the same taste in music although his can be a little more bold at times then mine. We both are true 80's kids and rock & roll is the only way to go!! 

So as this song played and I starred out into the dusk of the evening enjoying the reminisce of the yesteryears and memories of different eras in my years in relation to this song I felt the effects of those words in almost all the different stages of my life. Starting in high school and continuing on into my early, middle and the beginning of late adulthood. My most recent emotions connected to these lyrics was the past 11 yrs of my life. My husband began over the road trucking in 2003. This had turned our home into a house. 

Now let me explain this one to you.

This took him away from us for many days and nights. It was a long lonely life for us. Not just the two of us but for our growing children as well. Then this year in Feb he was offered a new position with the company he worked for. He was now the new assistant transportation manager. This new job took him outa the truck and put him behind a desk. He was home now everyday and every night, he was now here for the important things that were happening as our children were now adults and making lives of their own and we were beginning to experience the joys of being grandparents. 

That placed we called home had changed and become just a house. Jeff was on the road and he was gone. Every load kept him married to the road, just one more day, just one more song, just one more load, just one more memory gone. Then just like that he was home every night making those memories building those dreams again. But it was different, it wasn't like before. I hadn't understood what was missing in the past 10 yrs until last night when this song came on the radio.

      "Beth"

Beth, I hear you callin'
But I can't come home right now
Me and the boys are playin'
And we just can't find the sound

Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them callin'
Oh, Beth what can I do
Beth what can I do

You say you feel so empty
That our house just ain't a home
And I'm always somewhere else
And you're always there alone

Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them callin'
Oh, Beth what can I do
Beth what can I do

Beth, I know you're lonely
And I hope you'll be alright
'Cause me and the boys will be playin'
All night

So today as I was doing my daily chores I thought and thought about the effect this song had on me last night. Sometimes while I am cleaning I have my headphones plugged into my ears and the world blocked completely out.

 Man I have to say I just love my iPhone! I opened YouTube and typed in Beth by Kiss and I listened to this song over and over again. All the while I was cleaning I just hit replay! This is therapy for me. When I have an emotion that I am dealing with and trying to move past the parts that have effected my life in damaging ways this is how I do it. Either through cleaning or exercise. It allows me to release these negative emotions and comfortably put these feelings in the past. I had come to the realization that these years had hurt me deeply. I didn't hold blame just resentment.

I had built up a wall of resentment towards my husband for all the times he wasn't there and all the days, nights, memories and special events he missed. I resented the 'house' that didn't feel like home and I resented that I was the only one that felt this way. 

But an epiphany hit me as I was hitting repeat for the (I lost count) time. It wasn't the house that was home it was him! He was what turned our house into a home. He is my happy and with that the resentment melted away and I had discovered a peace that brought happiness to my heart.

 I am grateful for life lessons and the ability to discover and heal through music and words. 

Looking inward for me creates the ability to let go of the negative and makes room for more positive emotion in my life. It heals me and opens doors of possibility!~ 

xoxo, Katie 

   

Engagements & Weddings!

So this has been a busy year and so much has happened in such a short time. Although, the year is 1/2 gone it feels that all the things that have taken place are things that happen in s normal years time. 

In March my dear beautiful Grams passed away. It was her time, she had lived well beyond 90 yrs and Grampa was waiting for her. Just a few weeks prior to Grams passing my oldest daughter got engaged and announced the wedding was scheduled for July 5th 2013. Ugh, only 3 months away. Was I ready for this? No time for grieving when you have your days and nights filled with wedding planning and prepping. Not to mention financial budgeting and you haven't saved a penny towards this or been for given enough time to save it. 

However, it happened and it was beautiful beyond words. My daughter was glowing and shown brighter than the sun on that perfectly, perfect day. 

Now it's time to get busy on the last half of my year and work on all the projects I have neglected.

xoxoxo, Katie

....could have's, should have's, could not's, should not's....

So many times we are filled with should have's or could not's. I have experienced this so much in the past several years. After being diagnosed with RA in 2006 my life changed (for the good/worst) I really couldn't decide! Still at times I am not so sure which either. But, I do know that life is what you make it and sometimes we realize that some of those things don't really matter and even it takes a few years to finish a task......guess what? Remember this that at least "it got done"!!! Sometimes I really struggle with this philosophy and then at other times it's the very thing I need to help me put things into perspective. My husband is a very busy man and he does so much in a day and often times I don't really give him near enough credit for the things he does. So let me tell you a small story that was once real BIG in my mind and caused me lots of distress. 

     We have a huge yard and my husband is an over the road trucker. He loves his job and he makes decent money....but the drawback is he isn't home much. 
     I have been asked by many people over the past 5-7 (eek...I know!!!) years why we have this box springs and mattress sitting in our back yard. Ok, now this was once a usable one back then, I am not really sure why it got left there or what the reason was, maybe the  kids used it a few times that summer for sleep outs I am not sure and I don't have an answer to this question. 
      I just know that before 2006 I would have moved this myself regardless of the consequences it would have caused me physically. But after the changes took place in my body there was no way I was gonna cause myself more pain and be down in bed for days on end recouping. 

      So there it sat...day after day....season after season....year after year!!! (yes it is still there). Of course as you can imagine it is destroyed and way beyond repair. 
      However, I walked past it the other day and I saw something. Something that made me stop and look at it in a much different perspective. 
      It is finally FINALLY almost perfect.  Because now I can move this thing without help, the batting pieces are scattered and easy to pick up and once I get that part cleaned up the springs are perfectly rusted & distressed and ready for something.....what I am not sure but they are finally perfect!!!

The moral of my story is this! In my life everything has a time and a season and now this is my season for some harvesting. Little did I know this source of madness that consumed me summer after summer for years and years would turn into something beautiful beyond my imagination. 

To be continued............................

Hugs, Katie

Serenity....

I was taking a walk around my yard, my husband had just mowed it that morning and it was looking so pretty and the weather was fantastic. There was no wind and it was the perfect temp right before sundown. As I walked through the orchard towards the back southwest corner of the orchard is a Lilac bush that has been there for well over 50 years and it was just in bloom and lush as could be. I was unable to resist the essence as I got closer. I stood and breathed in the aroma of fresh Lilacs in bloom and a smile began to form as my appreciation for nature and the Lords abundance grew and filled my chest with unconditional love. Love for all the beauty all around, my husband for grooming our lawn and the Lord for allowing me the gift of senses.  What a perfect ending to my day!!

I even took a little piece of that heaven inside with me. I trimmed off some branches and put them in water and was able to enjoy this peaceful aroma all evening.

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Time to 'Renew"!

I really enjoyed making these little file folder albums. It was refreshing to use all those misc photos that really had no purpose or were not really 12x12 scrapbook material. I was able to use them in these little albums to showcase my loved ones. This line by Authentique is so fresh and makes me smile. I love the way this turned out. <3 katie="" p="">

Winter Inspired..............

All the snow has really inspired me and I was feeling a little creative!

So I just wanted to share a few other projects I made for Christmas gifts. I made my sweet Kyra this beautiful album.

and this sweet desktop calendar for my darling daughter Shyann.

Thanks for visiting!! <3 Katie